Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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