Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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