Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
