Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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