didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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