Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
