Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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