Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
