Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
