and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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