Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She bit a glass in half.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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