She is in my trunk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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