Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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