Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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