Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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