Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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