it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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