this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
