I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
