you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
