dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
