mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
