Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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