Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize