Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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