She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
