five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize