Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
