Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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