just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
