Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
