There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She announced her abortion via fbk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
