Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
