and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize