So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
