God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
