Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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