she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
