there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
