I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
