It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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