It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
