Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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