I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
