So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two words: blizzard sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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