I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
