I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
