i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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