is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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