I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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