u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
