i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
