clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
