I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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