her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
