i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize