so explain again why im purple
no
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
