her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
