Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
