Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
God, I missed his penis.
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