Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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