the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
