I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
