eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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