So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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