I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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