I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
