Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
