So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
