I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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